“Don’t confuse me with the info! ” “I need to find out this from my truth of the matter only! ” Sound familiar?
Have you noticed how arguments escalate with emotional abusers? They tell you that something is bothering them for no uncertain terms, although often fail to fill most people in on what all the hell it is. So in this case you are knowing fully the things they feel, yet you remain in the dark why.
If this is the pattern of interaction with your intimate spouse, take a hard and fast look at the dynamics of abusive relationships. The better you grasp those dynamics, the easier it will be so you might break the cycle in abuse before it spirals out of control.
What psychological and mental abusers are really telling you is normally that there is no room in your reality in a discussion with them. Embracing your point of view is beyond them. The simple truth is, your perspective doesn’t warrant their consideration, because they previously made up their mind and they really don’t want you to mix them up with them with your facts.
To get this message by way of you, the emotional abuser will pile on another layer of attack aimed to fix you in your tracks. It may possibly sound like this… “Well, would you logical position, BUT…
You are aware of a “but” is coming and with it is the following emotional assault.
The price you pay is verbal psychological and mental abuse. You know the discussion is over, so you pull that back and lick all the wounds inspired by the sentimental abuse dished out and keep you in your place. Should you be following me in this description of this interaction, then you have likely experienced verbal emotional exploitation. It is both subtle and significant. It leaves most people emotionally off base, usually even before you know what occured.
An important part of how they deal with their your own vulnerability is to make you wrong in order for them to be best suited. As you know, from where these stand, they must be best suited. So, don’t confuse these with the facts.
You really feel unheard in that moment because you, indeed, are… You are not approved permission to share. You are not on an opinion that differs coming from theirs. You see, if you wait to your point of view, there is a charge in this interaction with a great emotional abuser.
It may commence with, “That’s the problem with you… That you’re too intense, too real, too late with that explanation, too whatever to help you compel me to take most people in and actually hear you’ve got something to say… worthy of my own attention, much less my factor. ” Get the picture?
All the mess around “don’t confuse myself with the facts” is nothing more than an effort to re-establish an unequal distribution of power in the relationship. The sentimental assault or blow for the character is their effort and hard work to tilt the machine, because in that moment they are really tasting their own vulnerability.
Then, if you get lucky, they may expand on their concern with you feel this sigh of relief, because now you have something you can cope with or at least address. Therefore you seek to share ones perspective, your point of view. And wham, you’re cut off with, Don’t confuse me with the facts. My mind is made up.